Divisionaries
Divisionaries

Divisional Round — America’s Team?

By - Jan 20th, 2010 09:13 am

Divisional Round Recap

Minnesota Vikings 34, Dallas Cowboys 3
Based on TV ratings and jersey sales, the game in Minneapolis last Sunday was not just for an NFC Divisional playoff berth, but also the title of “America’s Team.”

Who’s truly crowned “America’s Team” is for the fans to decide, but may I remind you, those fans watched their games at Mall of America Field (insert smirk here), and/or a 159 foot-by-74 foot, four-sided LED screen perched precariously above their homefield.Yup, that sounds about right.  As culture, celebrity and sports merge, one wonders if the Vikings and Cowboys are adored despite, or because of all the substance abusediva behaviorcelebrity hexes and nautical orgies shared among these two franchises.

As the playoffs began in earnest last week, glassy-eyed football tourists, much like the homerun enamored fans of modern baseball, turned on their High Def televisions to watch America’s new pastime “go vertical” in 60-min games decided by who gets the ball last.It’s prime time, baby(!), and defense ranks slightly below the NASCAR promos in entertainment value. It’s true, nothing can match the pure saccharine high of watching Brett Favre huck another 40-yarder to … someone on Brett Favre’s team … and then celebrate later by ass-slapping teammates and singing the American Idol’s “Pants on the Ground” song.(BTW, that did happen.)

Before the infotainment continues, please note that in the defenseless Passapalooza G.B./Ari game last week, the procalimed “Greatest Playoff Game Evah,” both Mason Crosby and Neil Rackers shanked potentially game-winning field goals. Who needs sound special teams when you got pizazz, am I right? Cowboys kicker Shaun Suisham certainly agreed this week, missing two field goals in the first half, which would have made the halftime score a manageable 17-9, instead of letting this thing get way out of hand.

While Favre was in rare form, Dallas QB Tony Romo was knocked around so often (six sacks), he barely had time to fumble the ball twice and throw a pick. So, with the Cowboys down 17-3 in the fourth quarter, this was probably a run-out-the-clock win for the Vikings, right? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?!

Brett kept throwing — tossing two additional (and quite unnecessary touchdowns). The last of which, in Belichek-esqe form, was on a fourth-and-three play action fake with under two minutes left,  the Vikings already winning by 29 points. HA!

Nope, it’s not classy; it’s not even common sense, but it looks purdy on the tee-vee and that’s what we ask of … America’s Team.

— Brian Howe Battle

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It’s not that we all necessarily hate Brett Favre, it’s just that we’re not blind to his obvious faults. So, in our best concerned friend voice, we present to Minnesota Vikings fans our Top Five list of Brett Favre playoff collapses. Maybe Sunday’s contest against the Saints will be different, but don’t say we didn’t warn you …

5. 2002 Wild Card vs. Atlanta Falcons — 247 yds, 2 INT, 1 Fumble

In recent years, the polish has been removed from the Packers home field advantage, but it’s important to remember that the Packers were undefeated in playff games at Lambeau Field heading into this wild-card game against then-phenom and future dog-killer, Michael Vick. In spite of a Week 17 slide against the hapless New York Jets that shook the Pack out of a first-round bye and home field advantage throughout the playoffs, the conventional wisdom held that the streak would continue after a sheltered Falcon team realized “snow” was more than just something Goodie Mob rapped about.

Taking the ball down, 7-0, Favre set the tone early by tossing an interception on the Packers opening drive. A fumbled snap on a Josh Bidwell-punt led to another Falcon score and from there things generally deteriorated into a miasma of shitty football, fan frustration and winter precipitation.  At halftime, fans booed Favre and the rest of the team as they headed into the locker room, down 24-0.

Final score: Atlanta 27, Green Bay 7.

4. 2004 Wild Card vs. Minnesota Vikings — 216 yds, 1 TD, 4 INT

The Packers had barely beaten the 8-8 Vikings twice during the regular season, each game decided by a Ryan Longwell field goal and ending in the same score, 34-31. Still, playing at home against a Vikings team that went 1-4 in its last five games felt about as sure a thing as the feeling most people had that Favre would likely retire after the season was over. On both counts, we were extremely stupid.

Fans huddled in to “enjoy” another cold weather playoff game at Lambeau Field, but it was clear that wasn’t going to happen after the Vikings took a quick 14-0 lead. Down 24-10 in the final minutes of the first half, Favre took the football law into his own hands and made a snazzy illegal forward pass beyond the line of scrimmage that negated Javon Walker’s catch in the end zone. Instead, the Packers had to settle for a missed Ryan Longwell field goal.

After the Pack pulled within one touchdown, all sense of decency and respect for the commonly shared value of “manners” disappeared after Randy Moss caught a 34-yard pass from Daunte Culpepper for a touchdown and then proceeded to pantomime the act of “mooning” the crowd. Women dressed head-to-toe in hunting gear purchased only for drinking in cold weather fainted from Moss’ unholy act and grown men turned a darker shade of venison red. Favre’s two, second-half interceptions raised his game total to four and guaranteed that fans’ bloodlust would go unquenched.

Final score: Minnesota 31, Green Bay 17

3. 2007 NFC Championship Game vs. New York Giants —  236 yds, 2 TD, 2 INT

Against all odds, the Packers found themselves one wintry home game away from advancing to the Super Bowl. Facing the relatively inexperienced Eli Manning led New York Giants, the prospect of a snow and ice filled home game filled Favre (and fans) with dreams of a Super Bowl run into sunset.

During the first half, that dream looked very real. In the second, the dream faded in and out like a bad television signal as the Giants and Packers traded scores before Giants kicker Lawrence Tyne’s last second field goal sailed wide and the game went into overtime.

After narrowly escaping regulation, the Packers won the coin toss. Conjuring memories of the infamous 2005 Divisional playoff game against the Philadelphia Eagles, most everyone assumed Favre and the offense would play it safe. And for one play, at least, that appeared the plan. But on the second play in overtime, Favre dropped back and tossed the last lame-duck interception of his Packer career.

Final score: New York 23, Green Bay 20

2. 2005 Divisional Round @ Philadelphia Eagles — 180 yds, 2 TD, 1 horrible INT

Through three quarters, the Packers appeared to be well on their way to the NFC Championship game.  Although only up, 14-7, the Packers defense was swarming Donovan McNabb at every opportunity and Mike Sherman’s absurdly simple game plan looked foolproof. All of a sudden, the wind at Green Bay’s back shifted and the game tightened as the fourth quarter wound down. Tied after an Eagles touchdown, the Packers retook the lead on a Ryan Longwell field goal and with a little more than a minute left in the game were one Eagles fourth down (and 26 yards) away from sealing the victory. We all know how that ended if this game made our list — the Eagles gained 28 yards on fourth down, then kicked a game-tying field goal to send the game into overtime.

After the Eagles won the coin toss, the Packers defense forced a quick three and out, giving Favre another chance to win a game that appeared all but wrapped in a bow just a few minutes prior. On the first snap, Favre did what Favre does best — chucked the ball up in the air deep down field and into the arms of Eagles Free Safety Brian Dawkins. The Eagles took that opportunity and converted it into David Akers game-winning field goal.

Final score: Philadelphia 20, Green Bay 17

1. 2001 Divisional Round @ St. Louis Rams — 281 yds, 2 TD, 6 INT (3 returned for TD)

No one expected a miracle against the 14-2 St. Louis Rams. “The Greatest Show on Turf” was known for its unbelievable offensive firepower and ability to run circles around opposing defenses, so most Packers fans understood that this was not a game the Packers would win. If ever there was a game to simply look good losing, this was it.

Yet, no one was prepared for the record-tying futility that Favre displayed against what was generally considered an evenly matched Rams defense. Favre chucked six interceptions, including three that were returned for touchdowns. Combined with the Rams’ prolific offense, the tempo quickly spiraled out of the Packers’ control. At halftime, the score was 24-10. By the middle of the fourth quarter, after the final two Favre interceptions were returned for touchdowns, the score stood at 45-10. Only a late Antonio Freeman touchdown kept the margin under five touchdowns.

After the game, Favre responded to a reporter’s question about tying a 61-year-old record for interceptions returned for touchdowns: “I could have thrown eight had we gotten the ball back … I was going to keep chucking.”

Final Score: St. Louis Rams 45 (Brett Favre 21), Green Bay 17

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The NFC Championship Game

Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints

It’s a tough decision, but I think I hate Reggie Bush more than Brett Favre, so I’d rather see the Saints fall. I’m picking Minnesota because I’d be more likely to cheer for them, and why would I cheer for a team I said would lose? — MK

I’m picking the Saints over the Vikings. I’d rather root for the QB nobody wanted rather than the QB everybody wants for no good reason. — BB

If the Saints win, maybe we can make the last Katrina-coddlers STFU about it. Besides, Drew Brees is a good kid who forfeited his paper route so he could play on Sunday. — KB

The Saints already shut down one cagey veteran QB, why not another? Let the Favre retirement watch begin anew! —RV

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Divisionaries is created by Rob Vosters (Milwaukee), Brian Howe Battle, Kenny Bernat and Matt Kroll (Chicago).

Categories: Divisionaries, Sports

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